Chain of Events
by LadyNightRunner
Summary: You know those chain letters everybody always forwards to your email? Elena likes them. And she's sending this one to everyone in the office. Maybe those promises of blessings or curses are true sometimes.


Elena had always been a sucker for chain mail. Sometimes she actually believed that they promised, but most of the time she just resent them because she liked to. Usually the emails she forwarded to her coworkers met grisly deaths in the Trash folder, but every now and then, they were responded to.

From:

To: , , ,

**Date: **September 27, 1435

**Subject: **Important things

_Hi, guys! I thought this one was worth having a look at and sending on. Just follow the instructions, okay?_

_-Elena_

Erase each entry on the following list. Fill in the empty numbers with 10 things that make life worth living, leave your name, and send this message on to all your friends. Something good will happen to you within 24 hours!

_1. Successfully deactivating a bomb _

_2. Gourmet chocolate_

_3. Sleeping in on a day off_

_4. The first flowers of spring_

_5. Falling leaves in autumn_

_6. Mushroom clouds_

_7. Laundry fresh from the dryer_

_8. Coffee with vanilla and cream_

_9. French toast_

_10. Ice cream_

_

* * *

_

_From: _

_To: _

**Date: **September 27, 1452

**Subject: **FWD: Important things

_Elena, must you always send these? If you're going to slack off on company time, at least don't tell me about it._

_-Rufus_

_1. Insulting someone using language they are too uneducated to understand _

_2. Coffee with cinnamon_

_3. The knowledge that one possesses awesome power_

_4. Having loyal, hard working employees_

_5. Senora Luna Gold Seal Rum_

_6. Silk bed sheets_

_7. Hot springs_

_8. Buying out inferior companies_

_9. Chocobo down pillows_

_10. Spinny chairs_

Rufus clicked send and closed his browser. It was likely that Elena would attempt to make a formal apology to him later, which he would accept to humor her. Honestly, she needed to learn to be sneakier. Turks weren't supposed to get caught.

His computer beeped, signaling a new message. He clicked on the little pop-up, expecting junk mail or perhaps a note from some sniveling politician looking for support.

_Mr. Shinra,_

_Congratulations on being name one of the 10 sexiest men on the planet and nominated for Gaia's Sexiest Bachelor. Our representatives will be in touch shortly to interview you and arrange for a photo shoot for our yearly Sexiest Men issue. We wish you luck in the polls._

_-Scene Magazine_

Rufus blinked, processing the information.

"It's not possible."

* * *

From: 

To: 

**Date:** September 27, 1714

**Subject: **FWD: Important things

_Why do you insist on sending these to me?_

_-Rude_

_1. Shoulder-mounted weaponry_

_2. Showy explosives_

_3. Sunglasses_

_4. Massive explosions_

_5. Hot chai_

_6. Back-alley diners_

_7. Free-falling_

_8. Bonsai trees_

_9. Pizza with pineapple_

_10. Whiskey_

Rude packed up and went home, indulging in pizza with pineapple for dinner and settling on his couch afterwards with a tumbler of whiskey and the day's mail. He sorted through it, discarded most of it as junk, until he came across a hand-addressed letter from one of his sisters.

Pleasantly surprised, he opened it, unfolding several pages of her neat, loopy writing, and two photos fell into his lap. The first was of his sister and her husband of six years. The second was of a little bundle of pink fabric and a tiny, scrunched up face. Confused, Rude turned the picture over. Written on the back was a short message:

_I was born at 10:36am on September 18._

_Happy Birthday, Uncle Rude._

_-Your brand-new niece, Emily_

_

* * *

_

_From: _

_To: _

**Date:** September 27, 2240

**Subject: **Unprofessional behavior

_Elena, stop sending cheesy forwards when you're supposed to be working. See me in my office first thing on Monday morning._

_1. Green tea on a peaceful morning_

_2. Thunderstorms_

_3. Naked yoga_

_4. Almond cookies_

_5. Strong black coffee_

_6. Properly completing a difficult task_

_7. Reaffirming one's existence_

_8. Bubble tea_

_9. Raspberries_

_10. Cats_

Tseng hit send and rubbed tiredly at his eyes. He hated being sick on principle, but being sick enough to wind up too tired to sleep was the pits. He'd been trying to sleep for the last several hours without success. Defeated, he crawled out of bed and shuffled into the bathroom to find something to help him along.

He wasn't feeling any better the following morning. His throat still hurt, he was still congested, his bones still ached, and he was sure he was still running a fever. And on top of it all, he had an intruder in the kitchen.

Or not. Tseng rounded the corner with his gun at the ready, only to find Vincent at the stove, hair tied back and sleeves rolled up. He glanced over at Tseng and smiled.

"I was wondering when you're realize I was here," he chuckled. "Feeling any better?"

"No."

"Didn't think so. Sit down, I'll make tea."

Tseng nodded and slid onto the bench seat in the breakfast nook with a weary sniffle. He buried his head in his crossed arms and waited.

He didn't have to wait long. Vincent joined him a few minutes later, sliding two mugs over the tabletop and scooting in beside him. Tseng leaned against him, shifting a little for maximum body heat. Vincent leaned over and kissed his cheek, then his forehead.

"Your fever has gone down some."

Tseng smiled weakly.

"Best news I've had all day."

* * *

From: 

To: , , , , , ,

**Date: **September 27, 1903

**Subject: **FWD: Important things

_Dunno why I'm actually sending this thing on, but I don't have a reason not to- this one isn't threatening me with horrible consequences if I don't do it, after all. Fill it out!_

_-Reno_

_1. Kicking ass _

_2. Beer_

_3. Crispy criminal ala me_

_4. Ferrets_

_5. Wasabi peas_

_6. Beer_

_7. Impersonating clergy_

_8. Creating computer viruses_

_9. Death by Chocolate cake_

_10. Piles of dry leaves to jump in_

_11. Beer_

Reno picked up takeout on his way home, which he ate on the couch with NumNums draped over his shoulder, accepting bits of mushu pork and sweet and sour chicken, watching an old detective movie he'd pulled off the 'We Recommend' shelf at his favorite rental place. It was a pretty good movie, old as it was.

He was halfway through a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream when someone rang his doorbell. He answered it with his ice cream in hand and his ferret peering down at the visitor from on top of his head.

A young woman was standing outside, wearing a nearly sheer white jumper over a pair of skinny jeans. She offered him a dazzling smile.

"Hi," she murmured. "I'm Melissa. I just moved in down the hall."

Reno grinned.

"Reno's the name, and this is NumNums. Nice to meetcha. You goin' around and gettin' to know the whole floor or something?"

"Not at all. I'm having trouble with getting my computer hooked up and the couple next door to me said that you're…rather handy with odd jobs. I thought you might come over and have a look?"

"Just your computer that needs hooking up?" Reno asked. Melissa smiled and shook her head. "What else?"

"Oh…this and that. Some…delicate equipment." She clasped her hands and straightened her arms, pressing her breasts up and together invitingly. "Would you mind?"

"Gimme a couple of minutes to put things back and I'll be right there."

"Alright. I'm in 6D."

"Got it."

"And Reno?"

"Yeah?"

"Wear something you don't mind getting damaged."

He grinned and hurried back inside to put the ice cream away. The evening was looking up.

* * *

From: 

To: 

**Date: **September 28, 1021

**Subject: **FWD: Important things

_You have some seriously weird things that make life worth it, Turkey. Why don't you find some normal hobbies or something?_

_-Yuffie_

_1. Materia_

_2. Picking Cid's pockets when he's not expecting it_

_3. Warm sake in the winter_

_4. Tifa's apple berry crumble_

_5. Shuriken_

_6. Being a ninja_

_7. Apricots_

_8. Materia_

_9. Shaved ice_

_10. Materia_

Yuffie got up from her desk, stretching tiredly. If she didn't check her emails first thing when she got up, then she had a tendency to forget it in the crazy mess of things that had to be done when she was at home in Wutai.

Like today, for example. She had to meet with the heads of three different high-ranking houses, to have a look at their oldest sons as potential husbands, then she was supposed to train- like she needed any more training- and that would be followed by cooking and dance lessons, all rounded out by dinner with her father. A nice, busy, totally pointless day.

The third son she met with that morning was Seiji, a tall, slender young man with a sweet little smile and a pair of particularly overbearing parents.

As tradition dictated, they were left alone together for a short while in a formal little tea room to chat. Yuffie stared into her tea cup for a few moments, silent and waiting for their time to be up. Then Seiji cleared his throat. When she looked up at him, he nodded at the window.

"We can both fit through that," he said softly. "Spend some time getting into trouble."

"You're just trying to make me like you."

"Actually, I was thinking you could push me into the river so I can go home and tell my mother that we had nothing in common and you can tell your father that I'm a boorish pig. We both win, right?"

"Are you serious?"

He got to his feet, opened the window, and popped the screen out.

"What's the matter, princess? Don't trust me?"

Yuffie grinned and got up, moving past him to climb out the window and drop soundlessly to the porch roof below. Seiji landed beside her, equally silent.

"After you, milady."

"I hope you can keep up," she whispered, and leaped for the next roof.

* * *

From: 

To: 

**Date: **September 30, 2148

**Subject: **FWD: Important Things

_Reno, how did you get my email address? _

_-Cloud_

_1. Wind in my hair_

_2. Having a home to go to_

_3. Whiskey_

_4. The roar of a well-tuned bike_

_5. Coming home_

_6. Knowing that it's safe now_

_7. Chess_

_8. Fresh baklava_

_9. Puppies_

_10. Getting dirty_

Cloud limped into 7th Heaven, not bothering to wrestle his boots off in the entry, and made for the kitchen. He knew Tifa was in there- the house smelled like fresh bread, which could only mean that she was baking.

"Oh, good, you're home. Could you talk to Denzel about his- you're limping."

He dropped into a chair at the kitchen table with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah. Did something to my ankle out near Kalm." Cloud leaned over and began carefully unlacing his boot.

"In _Kalm_? Cloud, you should have- let me."

Tifa knelt and gave Cloud's boot a gentle tug. Cloud hissed sharply and grabbed at the table top.

"Cloud, have you even taken this boot off since you hurt yourself?"

"No?"

"I thought not. Hang on, this is going to take a few minutes."

When she did get the boot off, Cloud had sunk his fingernails into the wood of the tabletop and bitten his lip hard enough to make it bleed. Tifa peeled the sock off to reveal that Cloud's ankle was swollen and discolored.

"That," she said flatly, "is a very good sprain. Why didn't you have this looked at when you did it?"

"I wanted to come home, and I know any doctor I might have gone to about this would have told me to keep off it for a few days. I'd have missed your birthday if I'd listened."

"You'd have missed my- Cloud, you didn't have t- oh, you idiot." She slapped his knee gently. "You didn't have to do that. You should take better care of yourself."

"And miss your birthday? Never."

"Fine." She stood, going to get the first aid kit out of the pantry. "But now you're in my house, and you are going to do as you're told, you understand?"

"Yes?"

"Good. I'm going to wrap this, and ice it. You aren't going anywhere for the rest of the week, and if I catch you up on this foot, you will regret it. Understood?"

Cloud grinned.

"How are you going to make me regret it?"

"Oh….I don't know yet. I'll come up with something."

* * *

From: 

To: 

**Date: **November 3, 2357

**Subject: **Please remove my address from your mailing list

_Reno, I am not asking how you got my email address. You will remove it from your mailing list immediately, or suffer the consequences._

_I will see you on the paintball course next Sunday. If you show up late, drunk, hungover, or with one of your women, you will eat paint._

_-Vincent_

_1. Well-oiled guns_

_2. Antique chairs_

_3. Raspberry wine_

_4. Gummy candies_

_5. Small children_

_6. Fresh bread_

_7. The full moon in a winter sky_

_8. Leather pants_

_9. Rain on a tin roof_

_10. Oil paints on a fresh canvas_

"I'm back," Vincent murmured, letting himself in the back door and bending to unbuckle his boots and slide them off. "Tifa?"

"In the kitchen!" Tifa called. "Your timing is perfect, Vincent, I need an extra pair of hands in here!"

"Coming."

He shelled shrimp while Tifa deveined them, working quietly.

"Has Cloud returned yet?"

Tifa snorted.

"You could say that. He came home with a sprained ankle. He's asleep in the living room right now- I'm not letting him out of my sight for a bit."

Vincent chuckled and flicked the last bit of shell into the trash can.

"I'm sure you've been taking very good care of him. Mind if I go wash up before dinner? I've been on the road for several days."

"Go ahead. I put clean towels out on your bed this morning."

He nodded and headed back out into the hall. He made it three steps before small feet came pounding down the stairs.

"Mr. Valentine!"

"Uncle Vinny!"

Marlene and Denzel launched themselves at Vincent. They hit and sent him sprawling on his back on the floor under them, giggling and laughing excitedly.

"Hello to you too, children," Vincent wheezed.

"You're _home_!" Marlene said delightedly.

Vincent smiled.

"Yes, I am."

* * *

From: 

To: 

**Date: **November 5, 0821

**Subject: **FWD: Important things

_This is a pretty cute email, coming from you, Reno. What prompted it?_

_-Tifa_

_1. Being the world's weirdest soccer parent_

_2. Baby animals_

_3. Champagne_

_4. Being surrounded by people I love _

_5. Fresh brownies with ice cream_

_6. Being a mom_

_7. Cloud_

_8. Silk camisoles_

_9. Tossing a rude customer out with my own hands_

_10. Knowing I'm safe_

"Tifa! Tifa! Tifa!"

"Hunh?"

Marlene came charging in the bedroom door and leaped at the bed, landing beside Tifa with the ease of long practice.

"It's breakfast time!"

"Marlene, it's six am on a Saturday morning."

"Vincent's making breakfast!"

"Vincent _cooks_?"

"Yeah! Come on!"

Tifa groaned but rolled over and felt around for her slippers. A few minutes later, she was shuffling down the hallway to the kitchen, yawning, with Marlene hanging off of her hand.

Sure enough, Vincent was at the stove, wearing Tifa's purple 'bow down and worship the kitchen goddess' apron and Denzel's chef's hat, just turning out two thick slices of French toast onto a plate. Denzel was standing on a stool beside him, armed with a shaker of powdered sugar and a bowl of some kind of fruit compote. Cloud was squeezing oranges at the kitchen table.

"See? He can cook!"

"Was there ever any doubt?" Vincent chuckled. "Here, take this and put it on the table." He handed Marlene a completed plate of French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, and fresh fruit, and nudged her towards the dining room.

"What's the occasion?" Tifa asked softly, watching Marlene scamper away.

"Nothing in particular. We just felt you deserved a treat, is all."

* * *

From: 

To: 

**Date: **November 6, 1837

**Subject: **FWD: Important things

_Stop sending these to me!_

_-Barret_

_1. Cold beer_

_2. Roast chicken_

_3. Being the world's greatest Dad_

_4. Doing the world some good_

_5. Beating Cid at poker_

_6. Hiding Materia from Yuffie_

_7. Watching Cloud making eyes at Tifa_

_8. Johnny Cash_

_9. Cookies my little girl made for me_

_10. The first day of summer_

There was a package slip in the mailbox when Barret went to go check it. Curious- he hadn't ordered anything- he went straight to the post office to collect his package.

He knew the moment it was set on the counter who it was from. The addresses were written on it in slightly wobbly block lettering, Marlene's current favorite way to write everything.

The box was brimming with packing peanuts. They spilled out of it and clung to every possible surface. Barret ignored them, digging down through the Styrofoam until his fingers hit a plastic surface. He scooped it out of the box. It was a plastic container tied with a mass of curling pink ribbon and an over-sized tag.

COME HOME SOON, DADDY. I MISS YOU. I MADE THESE COOKIES JUST FOR YOU. TIFA ONLY HELPED A LITTLE BIT.

MARLENE

* * *

From: 

To: 

**Date: **November 9, 0515

**Subject: **Dammit, Red

_How many times do I have to tell you not to send me cutesy messages like this? Do it again and I'll drop your skinny little ass out the cargo hatch at 13,000 feet without a parachute._

_-Cid_

_1. Tea_

_2. Flying_

_3. Clear skies_

_4. The Northern Lights_

_5. Tifa's pot roast_

_6. Having a job and a purpose_

_7. Making goals_

_8. Sweet iced tea on a hot afternoon_

_9. Fishing_

_10. Building snow forts_

"Y'ello, Highwind Air Services, this is the boss. Whatcha want?"

The caller on the other end of the line chuckled.

_"You have a charming way of answering the phone, HighWind."_

"Shinra?"

_"The one and only."_

"What is it?"

_"I find myself in need of someone with your mechanical expertise."_

"Then get someone with a degree."

_"I also need someone who is capable of thinking outside the box. I have yet to find an engineer who can do that."_

Cid considered this.

"What do you need done?"

_"I need some of the old army transports fixed up, amped up, and ready to be deployed to areas still considered disaster zones following Meteor fall in time for Christmas. You would be appropriately compensated. Can you do it?"_

"Hell yes I can."

_"Excellent. I am also looking for someone reliable to contract regular air transport with. I don't suppose you know of someone I might get in touch with?"_

"Yeah, I know a guy."

_"Does he come recommended?"_

"Ask anyone but Yuffie."

_"I'll have a contract drawn up."_

"You do that."

_"I expect to see you in my office two days from now, HighWind."_

"An' just for that, I'm gonna be late."

_"Of course you are. I'll be waiting."_

Cid hung up and grinned. Well. He was going to have an interesting November.


End file.
